Gail Vaz-Oxlade answers readers' questions and gets to the bottom of the issues. In today's column, Gail helps a reader whose boyfriend considers overdraft protection "free" money.

Dear Gail:

About 5 years ago, my boyfriend made a stupid decision and said yes to overdraft protection. The bank offered him $500 overdraft even though he had just gone bankrupt. He immediately viewed this as a "free" $500. He has been in overdraft every month ever since. His cash flow has not been enough to pay it in one chunk and he was thinking that if he can only do small payments, might as well not pay any at all. He still views it as "his" money, not his debt. He pays a $4 fee plus $8 interest and a $4 finance charge each month for this debt.

We have moved in together recently and I would like to get this paid off for the sake of family finances and credit. Together, our cash flow is enough not to go into the overdraft. I have enough to cover off this debt but I would like him to close the overdraft as soon as it is paid, since he has admitted that he does know it needs to be paid but still views it as his money. His other argument is we need it for emergencies, but he views emergency as running out of cigs and my view of emergency is more strict (making sure we have a roof, food, and a way to work, etc.). He has also not made any room for emergency saving and does not want to based on the principle that overdraft is basically emergency saving. How do I bring this subject up with him in a tactful manner?
--K.

Dear K.:
While I understand your desire to "rescue" your boyfriend from himself, I think you are very unwise to do so. If he still considers overdraft to be "his" money then he has not seen the light. And if he thinks an emergency is running out if cigs (really, still smoking in this day and age?) then he's some way to go still. I would NOT merge the money in any way since you don't want to end up on the hook for his financial indiscretions.

Keep your credit separate. Have your savings in your name only. Open up a joint account to which you each contribute for your joint expenses like rent and food. Make sure you're in charge of this account and that he doesn't have access to it or you may find the rent goes unpaid one month. Let him deal with his debt. If he thinks overdraft is his money, does he also have access to other forms of credit that he may consider his money?

We love to think we can help other people to see the right way to do things. The reality is that everyone will walk their own path and there's not much a partner can do about that except protect him/herself from the ravages of their pal's mistakes. In the end you didn't hook up with him to become his mother. Love him for who he is, but leave him to clean up his own mess. If at some point down the road he does wake up then you can work TOGETHER to fix things. But the hard work should always be his, with your emotional support his biggest reward for coming to his senses.


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